Questions Unanswered

So here I sit. A being of blood and rage awaiting a call. Something to move me towards.... something.
I persue fields of right and wrong with a practiced eye towards doing "the right thing" as it is called. But to what ends? After what feels as a life time I still feel no closer to an answer. Am I a wayward soldier struggling to live thru an invisible war? Am I a holyman flung into a pit of heathen? Or am I just a lunatic that has not come to know himself?
I once heard something said and it has always weighed on my mind.
Does the loneliness of good, compare to the loneliness of evil?
And what of these deeds that I do? So they serve anyone? Have I ever actually saved anyone? Have I even helped anyone? Some would say yes but I do not know. It seems as if for all my attempts they still become victims. And what of myself? Does my suffering bear fruit in the afterlife? Are there members of a great hall waiting to welcome me with open arms, and show me the way into a field of grain? Its nice to think so, but its hard to know. Once my faith and belief was like steel. But steel rusts unless it is oiled and cleaned. I take the small blessings and am happy for them. But what of the joys my heart seeks? Are they simply things to be ignored? Most religions would say that if you do your lord's bidding then you're rewarded. I still wait for joyful rewards. Perhaps the small blessings are my rewards. Maybe they are just gifts of the faith. Mayhap I have not done enough. I dont know. All I really do know is that its dark here, and the only sound is my breathing.

I dont think anyone else noticed

I waited patiently as she passed. She knew I was watching. I was always watching. Her form drew my eyes to her. I could see tell-tale folds and curves under the long black dress that hinted at a small, tight body. As she place books on the shelf I walked behind her. She turned and her eyes met mine. For what seemed like long moments we stared at each other. I could feel something animal inside me bearing its teeth as it pressed against the skin of my face wanting to burst forth and devour this lithe beauty. I cant be certain but I think she moved closer to me as we stood transfixed, our eyes locked.
Without a word I reached out and took her hand. He flesh was so white and tender at the wrist a deep contrast to my rough dark skin. She gasped a protest, which I barely heard. Gently I pulled her closer to me. She opened her mouth to form a protest. I clamped my mouth over hers before she could utter a sound. Her body vibrated against me and I could feel her heart pounding. Her back arched as she pushed against me, thrusting her breasts into me trying to break free. After a few moments she clamped herself against me and kissed me in earnest.
Breathless she stepped back from me. Her eyes were bright and liquid, almost like pools of green sea water. Her mouth worked to form a word. I already knew what it was. I took hold and kissed her again. We fell to the floor whithering and clutching at eachother. We moved together as one being with one thought to our minds. When we rolled away from each other spent and weak our eyes locked again. I could see fear in her eyes. Her guilts and fears had already found her. I jumped up straightening my clothes. Timidly she took my hand as I reached out to her. We stood staring at each other a long time then. Both of us knew nothing like this would never happen again. She jumped with a start as the bell above the door rang. I casually slipped around a bookshelf as she turned to greet the customers. Once outside I looked thru the window at her one last time. Her habit was wrinkled, but I dont think anyone else noticed.

Irish Spring fresh

Folks, I am shocked. I am really completely shocked. I was looking around for website awards programs and ran accross World Wide Web Awards. So I fiugured what the hell. Lets see what I can do.
and these are the rules on why soemone cant get an award.

>1.We do not accept sites that are offensive to others.
>2.We do not accept sites that contain profanity, hatred, propaganda, racism, warez, nudity, gambling, hacking activities, use of tobacco products, >drugs, violence, firearms, weapons, degradation, harm, slander, cult activity, pet pages, personal home pages, vampirism, witch craft, gang related >activity, role-playing (fantasy). We prefer not to review these types of sites.

WTF?! Not offensive to others? So if you put up a Teletubies site and I dont like it I can have you banned? How do you make a site that EVERYONE will agree with? People there are a lot of wackos out there. there are people who are offended by names, colors, sounds, and location. I got dissed by a woman because a guy that cheated on her had the same name as me. Now with wack jobs like that around how can you not offend somebody?
And number two. Wait. Put your seatbelt on. Cause Im about to hit the gears. Get some coffe or a beer cause Im takin' you with me.
How can you say no profanity? Some of the best laughs I have had involved profanity. And Im an adult. Some of you are adults. If you choose to use profanity thats between you and your Cerebelum. I could care less. If you took the time to create a site and maintain it then you should get to say whatever you want to say. Hell you paid for the damn space. And dont give me non of that "But children may see" crap. Yes, yes they might. But heres the real deal fellow howler monkeys. Its your kid. If you have not taken the time to discuss things with them and teach them your values thats your problem. Not mine or someone elses. You dont want them on the net and possibley exposed to something? Unplug the damn machine and take the cord. But dont tell me or anyone else we have to monitor ourselves because you forgot how to use a condom or take a pill. Not my problem thats yours.
No tabacco products? Does that mean if I have something in my journal and it mentions smoking they are going to deny me? I use a banner system on my domain. What if some tobacco company does the unspeakable and slips in? Now this will probably never happen as it is still illegal for tobacco manufacturers to advertise on websites. No weapons, violence or drugs? I dont do drugs but I had a good story about someone doing them. So Im out?
WTF? Even if mine is a positive story about why you should not do your drugs in public? No weapons? I take martial arts. I have pictures of my weapon on my domain. So Im out because I have a healthy spiritual persuit? There are 18 weapons and forms as STANDARD for the Shaolin fighting style. Thats 18 weapons folks. So if I talk about doing a Wu Bu Chan form with a sword Im gone? I dare ya to get close and say that. No slander? Come on. Some people need to be slandered. You need to know when some scumbag is running around doing something unsavory. And if they lose hits or buisiness from it? Well tjhats what makes the will of the people so great. Singulary we are just one lone howler monkey going off in the wild cyber jungle. But get enough of us together and now you got a pack of roving gorillas.
Its howPlanet of the Apes started. No pet pages? No personal pages?
What the fuck is your domain/journal if its not a personal page? No vampirism? Why not? With the popularity of Blade and Anne Rice this has become one of the largest sub-cultures in America and Europe. Just because you dont want to look at them doesnt mean that they are going to go away. And dont think just because you deny thier webpages your kids wont see them. They are here. They are in your schools taking classes. they are on reality tv shows. Personally I think most of them are kinda funny. I mean really. Most of the guys I can see why they did it. They're geeks and and they needed to find somewhere they fit in. Take away the black eyeliner, the styling gel, and the dark clothes and you got one geeky guy with a suitcase full of mental and social issues. Now the girls. The girls are usually just hot, and they often wear something tight and sexy. Yeah, yeah. Im biased. I like women. No witchcraft? What so we are banning religions again? afraid thay are going to steal someones pure Christian soul? They wont. Thats someone elses job. Besides, alot of Christains are more underhanded than Old Scratch himself. Seriously. I have heard of some "God fearing" people doing crap that even the devil is saying, "I think you went over the top there". Look up religious crime if you think not. I mean really, you gonna ban the pagans but no one else? Well damn. Aint that a bitch. I would take a pagan over a Catholic anyday. Atleast I know the pagan isnt going to plug my kid in the ass. They might bathe the brat in goats blood, but thier virginity is safe.
And last but not least, No roleplaying? This begs the question. WHY? Rolepayers are harmless. Most of them are smelly loners that have no place to be except with other smelly loners. Give them some peace in thier life. And nevermind the fact that atleast 60% of the US has played or is playing Dungeones and Dragons. Its a past-time. Nothing more. Give it a rest will ya?

Lever 2000

I cannot believe the complete lack of self and backbone that exists today. To be told by someone that I can not succeed because I obviously dont know how to play the game.
This guy just goes off telling me that I am politicaly incorrect and cant function in Corporate America. Like he even knows me. Fucking yuppie bitch. No I may not make it in The corporate world, but theres a reason for that. I aint some whiney puck ass bitch that kneels. Sure you can bow down and suck the boss's dick when he comes in, laugh at his stupid jokes and generaly look like an ass. And if you blow him just right or give him a good hand job while you are rimming him you get that shiny new promotion. And if you didnt do it right then you just got shit on your breath, and a tangy after-taste from the load you just swallowed. Meanwhile you're know to all your co-workers as dick-cheese, brown boy, ass mole, or Bob's bitch, whether you got something or not. So who the fuck wants to play that game? Before too long you are whoring yourself out to whoever the highest bidder is. Always waiting for the BBD (bigger, better, deal).You compromise your principles and your dignity for some matterialistic bullshit that can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. Or you get some perceived level of power and influence that doesnt really exist. You keep giving in on one more issue, one more inch until you dont live by your own principles or feelings. You scuttle behind the crowd, following the flock because you have become so spinless that you are afraid to offend anyone for fear of what it might mean to your career. Spending your life cow-towing to some offensive mother fucker who probably imbeziles your insurance money so that he can take his "niece" to the Bahamas? Caviar doesnt taste that good bitch. It especially tastes bad when you got the after-taste of somebodies jizz in your throat.

Home Invasion

Home Invasion
I went to the kitchen after checking my email and there he was, in my kitchen, eating my toast.
"How the hell did you get in here?" I bellowed at him. He didnt answer. He just stared at me with his cold black eyes. I cursed myself for leaving the door open when I took out the trash. this would be a lesson I would not soon forget. I started forward and reached towards the counter for something to throw. My home intruder barreled to his right and ran towards the stove."NO YOU DONT, YOU FUCK!" I yelled as I charged forward. He saw me moving towards him and began to back away towards the dishes where the utinsils were drying. If he could reach them, before I got there, I would have a real hell of a time getting him. I threw a qwick kick to my right and knocked the dish-rack back a few inches. This started him and he charged right at me. I backpedaled to keep him from getting on me. No way did I want this dirty bastard touching me. As I stumbled backwards he lost footing and fell to his right. Without time to react he hit the floor with a wet smack. "AH HA!" I screamed. looking to my left and right all I saw was a can of air freshener. Emboldened I grabed for it and came up empty handed. Meanwhile my "guest" had shaken off his stun from the fall and was righting himself to run. As luck would have it he ran right towards me. Realizing my oppertunity I stepped forward and kicked as had as I could. It was a beautiful kick. It caught him square in the face and lauched him backwards into the wall. Stunned again he spasmodically twiched his legs. Now I know some people are all about non-violence, and all. BUT this was my house and that bitch was eating my toast. The more I watched his legs twitching as he tried to fight the murky haze in his head, the more angry I became. Full of rage at having my home tresspassed, I stomped over to him. Looking down into his cold black eyes, I lifted my foot and brought it down in a crashing boom. He was dead. His skull smashed and his cranial cavity leaking fluid I smiled. I won. He had come uninvited into my home, and now he would never do this again. Life is good.

And that dear friends is how I killed a large tree beetle in my kitchen.
:)

hahahaha

Bus full of police robbed
Thieves take cameras, cellular phones, wallets
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) -- Forty-six Brazilian policemen traveling to a sports competition were caught with their guard down this week when four Brazilian thieves robbed the bus carrying them to the event.
The bus with 46 unarmed policemen from northeastern Paraiba state was headed to the city of Salvador in Bahia when two cars with armed robbers forced them to stop on the country's main interstate highway on Tuesday.
"The robbers took their cameras, cellular phones, wallets and even the sports uniforms and sneakers," a police spokesman said.
The suspects, who escaped, apparently did not know the bus was full of police when they stopped it, he said.
"We are looking for them, but I cannot say there's any particular ardor here due to the fact that policemen have been robbed."

Something to consider

The Edge
- What reveals itself to me ceases to be mysterious—for me alone: if I unveil it to anyone else, he hears mere words which betray the living sense: Profanation, but never revelation. ............

I did it

I did it
So ... any thoughts? comments?

Now this is insane

Now this is insane. I cannot believe someone did this. Andy Kaufman Returns! C'mon folks. He was not funny. He was a sad little man that cried out for attention.

Curse you

Curse you Pokimon
CURRSSSEEE YYYYOOOOUUUUUU

Dumbass

Some people dont know how to hide thier shiznit
I had to catch a bs home after the latest installment of "HEY, Come
Fix My System". And it thoroughly sucked.
The whole trip was for naught as the machine was 6 years old and
un-repairable. Then I got rain soaked on the way home because I dont
have a car.
So after a few drippy minutes waiting in the rain a bus finally
arrives. Its kinda crowded. Most of the staring sullen faces are moist
and look fairly worn.
Most of us had no idea the weather was turning as the local weather
reports never mentioned rain. So I padded my way towards the back of
the bus, where it is slightly warmer. Gingerly avoiding the minefield
of sprawled feet in the aisle, I find a seat. There were several
people sitting stolidly staring straight ahead doing thier best "I am
not a victim" impression. Two young men just infront of me were
laughing and whispering to each other about some private joke. No one
seemed to notice them or care. And they seemed to care little for
anyone around them. Things probably would have continued on as an
uneventful ride home except for one thing.
As the two young men rose to leave the bus one of them dropped a bag.
It was small and clear plastic. I could not help but laugh when I saw
it. Several other passengers looked at the bag as if it was something
horrid that had crawled up out of thier dreams. Mustering my best
'street voice', I bellowed, "Yo 'olms". Both young men turned startled
out of thier conversation. Calmly and causualy I squated and palmed
the bag. "What man?", the nearest young man asked. Still trying to be
casual I bumped him. when my hand brushed his he yelled,"MAN!". As our
eyes met he whispered, "thanks 'G". "Its cool".
We pleasently parted company and no one said a word.
Now most people would not have been "playing" with the bag while on
the bus. But this guy did. Also an intelligent person would have
placed the bag in a pocket and been done with it. But this genius was
handeling it in public.
I tell ya. If this is the youth of America then we are all f'cked

tech support

The the hell is going on?
Why am I tech support for the North American continent?
Since when does everyone know my name? And why do I not get paid for
this? I mean really?
Who died and decided that I have to fix all the broken systems?